Welcome to Deadspin’s The Sports activities Nihilist, the place all is for naught and we’re however unintended jolts of electrified meat caught to the floor of a rock in an detached universe. Fuck you.

The annual NFL livestock present is underway in Indianapolis, and there are a great deal of man meat available on the market. It’s one of many few issues I can (virtually) get on board with. Organizations can absolutely embrace that nothing issues however the goal — and that’s to seek out the very best of the following technology of future CTE sufferers.

These younger soccer gamers have to be subjected to the truth that their inherent worth is that if they’ll carry out the duty. We’re going to provide you a quantity, put you in teams, poke you, and run you earlier than sending you to be auctioned off and shipped to the corresponding farm. Few issues are extra consultant of their future office than a bunch of execs gathered to scout them however as a substitute speaking store whereas they do drills that may have an effect on their livelihoods.

The mix is nice, however it may use extra practicality

My difficulty with the mix is the method. It’s not thorough sufficient. I do know the Wonderlic check was too biased for some folks, and I agree, however I nonetheless suppose there ought to be some type of psychological examination. Ideally associated to their future profession.

We want simulated traumatic accidents, uncatchable passes throughout route bushes, late hits throughout operating again drills, precise dick-measuring contests, and that machine from No Nation for Previous Males to prune the herd of weak hyperlinks.

Can we usher in Jeff Fisher to mock lower a couple of guys? Or have Terrell Owens and Chad Ochocinco berate quarterbacks whereas they attempt to evaluation performs on an iPad and discuss with their offensive coordinator? I would like all-out Nick Fury “Is that this a check or the actual factor?” coaching eventualities. If we actually wish to consider them, swap to dwell ammo like that is an audition for Spectre.

Apply the mix to the actual world

The mix is probably the most unapologetically insensitive job truthful on the planet, and I want extra operated prefer it. Let’s see who can sort the quickest, who will get irritated the quickest, and what particular person goes to punch a gap in a wall if any person hides his mobile phone. Is it that they really aren’t good at listening, or do they only tune everyone out after sufficient perceived slights?

Get a bunch of enterprise faculty graduates in a room with actually any lady, and see what number of fuck boys utilized for that gross sales place. The skilled world can be much more skilled if we may weed out the malcontents earlier than Todd drains the whole employees of a will to dwell with dad jokes and microwaved tuna casserole.

The extra society can mirror the NFL, the higher. Take a look at their income streams. They’re immune to each type of scandal and most recessions. The one factor that issues to the NFL is the NFL, and as somebody who believes that nothing issues, it’s refreshing.