Make room, Lawrence Taylor, there’s a brand new contender for probably the most drug-riddled in-game expertise. Whereas Derek Wolfe was nowhere close to the human wrecking ball that LT was, his pregame cocktail of mushrooms and Adderall is a modernized, and tempered, model of the cocaine-fueled tales that got here out of the Giants’ locker room within the ’80s.

“Earlier than video games, I used to be taking microdoses. . . . I’m fucking taking mushrooms and Adderall earlier than I play,” Wolfe mentioned on Joe Rogan’s podcast.

“Dude, the fucking focus is uncontrolled. I’d simply, like, earlier than video games, I’d get myself pissed off — so I simply would begin fascinated with my childhood, all of the shit I went by as a child. And it might fucking get me into this rage mode. It was like this loopy managed rage.”

I shared that tweet for 2 causes, and neither was redundancy. I’ll get to the paralyzed tidbit later, however I need you to take a better have a look at Von Miller in that picture.

That’s the face you make proper after your teammate tells you he’s been hyping himself up on childhood reminiscences, mushrooms, and Adderall.

“What’s up, Derek? You good?”

“Yeah, simply making an attempt to determine why my father by no means beloved me, if these visions are actual, and what I have to do when the guard pulls on that pitch play.”

“OK…”

To be honest, I don’t assume Wolfe was chomping a bunch of caps, however I don’t know in regards to the results of microdosing. All I’ve to go off of is an outdated roommate* who drank boomer tea for a couple of month. He additionally was blacking out each different night time, and I needed to shake him awake one night time whereas he was mid-stream, sleep-pissing on the sofa, so I don’t assume it’s the identical.

(*It’s OK, I’ve had near 25 roommates over my life, and he’s not the one one who urinated on a settee, so I’m not singling anyone out. However you already know who you might be.)

Wolfe went on to say that his magic elixir took his, umm, smack discuss to a distinct degree.

“Simply, fucking, such a meathead. Saying wild, loopy shit to quarterbacks. I informed a man I used to be going to fucking eat his youngsters. It was loopy. . . .

“That’s what you do, man. It’s a head recreation. I’m making an attempt to get in his head.”

It was at this level within the interview that Rogan ripped off his shirt, knowledgeable Wolfe that he does key bumps to get by marathon podcasts, and challenged Wolfe to a ladder match. Alright, I made up that final half. The opposite stuff. That occurred, together with this.

Yeah, about that paralyzation story… what the hell, man?

My apologies if I’m late to this story. The aggregators I observe apparently don’t hearken to the Rogan podcast (and who may blame them).

Right here’s the story.

“I used to be paralyzed for 3 hours and performed two weeks later.

“I couldn’t transfer. I used to be simply caught within the floor. It was like I used to be melted, it was the weirdest feeling, man.

“The docs wished me to remain within the hospital, however the staff docs have been like ‘you’re good, we are able to go’ on the staff aircraft again to Denver.

“’It was depressing, each time I bought touched my arms would go numb… and I’m a defensive lineman so my head’s getting hit each play.”

The eight-year professional mentioned that’s when he realized “they don’t care about us.”

He’s not flawed; I simply thought that it was a given. I imply, Damar Hamlin nearly died on the sphere, and the NFL goes to let him play once more if he will get cleared.